One of Those Days

It's one of those days. I like to think everyone has them sometimes and that it's not just me.  I'm talking about one of those days where you feel completely alone. And this is depressing. It doesn't matter if you are actually in a room by yourself or surrounded by 100 people... the feeling of loneliness is overwhelming. 

Like nobody gets you, nobody understands you, and nobody wants to try to do so. Even though this is not completely true because you know if you called your close friend or maybe even your brother they would listen to you break down... either out of obligation or because they really want to... either way you don't want to do this. Because it is pointless... nothing will make this feeling go away. 

I'm down at the beach which just so happens to be my favorite place in the world. But I can't even force a smile on my face. The boyfriend and I got into a huge fight and he left for Mississippi at 3 in the morning. My family is mad at me because we got into a fight. So that is lonely x's two. My friends are all having their fun at their 4th of July parties. Lonely x's three. 

I sat on the balcony last night with Jax by my side and I watched the fireworks exploding across the bay. They were too far away to hear the loud booms which takes away 50% of the appeal. 

I thought of about 10 different metaphors for the silent fireworks I watched alone that could easily apply to my life. My life isn't bad though... that's what makes this feeling so weird. I felt on top of the world 48 hours ago as I proudly held my son while my parents and the boyfriend smiled in awe at him. Life was great. 

So this feeling has come over me like a case of food poisoning from Wendy's (it's happened twice... beware of the dollar menu) and it is intense. I try and think back on all those times where I sat crying over something that made me feel like my life was over and I would never smile again. After time had passed, each one of those nights is almost worthy of a laugh because they were so insignificant. The situation I had been in whether it had involved a boyfriend, my family, a friend, or just crazy hormones on the bottom of the life roller-coaster, seemed at the time to be the end-all be-all. 

But they never were. So that's what I keep telling myself to make this feeling not seem so freaking important and life-changing. Time will go by, things will work out. Jax will look up at me and smile and it will no doubt force me to smile back. My family will stop being mad at me (because they are family and forgiveness is their job I think). The boyfriend and I will either work it out or not work it out, but either way I'll be ok. And next time I'll make sure I'm where I can hear the fireworks and I'll look back at this day and laugh at how stupid it all was. Right?