Only once before my current relationship have I really considered marriage. And that one time ended with me getting bitch-slapped in the face. Ouch. So yeah, I'm not a big fan of the whole thing. Not because I'm bitter, but because it's the one area in life where I'm realistic. But life has changed and things have happened. And getting married isn't just something that affects me and my husband-to-be. It affects my son.
I've been in bliss picking out bridesmaid's dresses and flowers. But I get a bit of an anxiety attack when I think about the actual being married part of it. This is bad, but I've always decided being totally honest is the only way to write. And it's not the boyfriend's fault. He's a great guy and the best father in the world. It's more of a problem within myself combined with a few relationship problems we have. But I keep ignoring these anxiety attacks because I am 'supposed to get married'. But these are my thoughts on this as I have had a mini-epiphany while I drive down Hwy 84...
Marriage is like a marathon. You have to be ready for it. People don't just do a marathon without training for it. I'm metaphorically out of shape! Like The Biggest Loser out of shape. I've lost myself trying to make things work and also being defeated by life's mini-battles.
So I need to take time picking up the bits and pieces of myself that I've lost along the way. I need to put them back together and take a picture so I won't forget, because right now the image is quite blurry. And it's nobody's fault but my own for losing the strength I've always prided myself in having.
So back to this marathon, I need to take some time to train. Because when I do this marathon, I don't want to be miserably dragging along in the back panting and out of breath. I want it to be a good experience and dammit I want to win.
i think that's an incredibly wise way to look at it. here's to training.
ReplyDelete