Going Somewhere Fast

Four years ago I was behind a broken windshield crashed into a telephone pole because I was drinking and driving. Three years ago I had become a Christian and realized who God is. Two years ago I was living in a tent on the side of a river with a daily habit of smoking weed. Obviously had ditched my relationship with the Creator I had previously fallen in love with. Tonight, I sit here staring at my moving belly realizing that in 3 weeks I will have a baby and my whole life will no longer be about me. 

My life is a roller coaster.

My favorite part of the roller coaster is the part where I met God. That year was the best year of my life. I think about Him a lot. But my mornings don't start off like they used to. I used to wake up and smile and feel Him with me and I'd start my day talking to Him. I won't get into the details of why my days were only like that for a year and a half. Things happen, you lose people, and the world doesn't make sense anymore. Going back to drinking and drugs made me forget the world didn't make sense. 

But here I am now, with this miracle in my belly. At first this miracle was just something I was completely freaked out about, I'm not married, I'm 24 with the maturity level of a 20-year old. I can't have a baby. But now I see this miracle as something that has made me personally grow so much. I've grown up in 8 months. But growing up makes me nervous, I have never liked grown-ups very much. They are all responsible. They don't take risks, They aren't spontaneous. They are,,, boring. I don't want to get boring. I don't think I will though. 

I'm obsessed with writing, it is who I am, it is my escape. But I haven't written in a while. Because I have forgotten who I am. I'm writing now. And I already feel better. Even though I haven't made any sort of point. I still feel better. Maybe I'll make a point next time. Maybe not.